Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
