we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
