I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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