I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
