you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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