i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
