He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
