I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
