I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
