the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
