Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
