mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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