Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
