I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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