yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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