just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
