My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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