I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
