it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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