I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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