i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
