Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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