dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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