she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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