After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
