In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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