RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
