How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do herpes really smell.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
