Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need to calm my uterus...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
