why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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