Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
