Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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