I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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