final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
