you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
