drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
