I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
