i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
