I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
