Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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