Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
