You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
