i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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