Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
