Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
