im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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