I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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