wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
