he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
