take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it hurts more in the daytime
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
