I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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